Will May 7th bring relief from the meddling maniac?
Its rant time folks. One of my pet hates – Sir Liam Donaldson, the Chief Medical Officer (CMO).
Over the years I can come to dread the words “a report from the Chief Medical Officer says”. I know it will say we are all fat, lazy, stupid (or words to that effect); say how “disappointed” the CMO is that some recommendation or other has had little or no effect; how much our collective action (or lack of it) is costing the NHS…
I don’t know what irritates me more – the meddling, or the tone. Its well, so authoritarian. When he speaks of his “recommended levels”, it sounds more like a command than a suggestion. More like a directive than advice. You can almost here the disdain in his voice when points out how we, the public, have failed to implement his plan or “recommendation” with sufficient gusto.
As far as he is concerned we are a nation of idle, feckless idiots, who are unfit to run our own lives, let alone be parents. We need to be told, bullied, shamed, or forced into doing what he knows is best for us. No matter how fit, hardworking, and health conscious we were, it would just not be enough for this man.
So here are just a couple of the missives from his annual report, out now.
1. We are such crap parents, our kids are all so unfit, that he will subject them to annual “bleep” exercise tests.
Last month I was sure our kids were all consumed with achieving Kate Moss skinniness and the anorexia was on the increase – I was wrong. They are unfit and getting obese. And to prove it, Mr Donaldson intends to subject every child in the country to a series of annual “bleep” exercise tests. Not only will children be humiliated by being forced to participate in this fruitless caper. Parents whose children fail the exercise tests will receive “letters” from the schools telling them their child has failed….I imagine something along the lines of “Dear Mr and Mrs Jones you are clearly unfit to have children because your lard arse son is letting the side down”. Yes, that’s a good idea, lets pile more pressure on the little darlings. Not content with testing their academic prowess at every twist and turn, lets now point out where they are failing on the fitness level too. Stuff childhood – this is the future economic machine we are building here and nothing less than perfection will do.
And what will the tests achieve? Nothing. If there is a problem – and frankly who knows anymore – we need solutions. Not bloody bleep tests. Selling off playing fields, judging schools on almost wholly academic criteria and demanding that every after-school and weekend sports club “helper” prove they are not a paedophile before they lift a finger, can hardly have helped the situation……
And grandparents don’t escape MrDonaldson’s scorn either. He says that 40% of grandparents now provide some kind of childcare when parents are working, but few of them encourage their grandchildren to eat healthily or take exercise. He now wants Government “advice” for grandparents telling them how they can become better grandparents (and presumably send them a letter too when they fail). Oh come on Mr Donaldson, parents do the hard stuff, the discipline, the “eat your greens” thing. Grandparents do the spoiling, the treats, the fun stuff. That’s how it is, how its always been, how it always will be. Get a life.
2. Our diet is warming the planet and ruining our health.
Not content with telling us its every grandparents duty to turn into mini-dictator for the good of the nation, Mr Donaldson also reckons it’s our collective duty to eat less meat in order to reduce the threat of climate change, because our diet is warming the planet.
So we should all cut our meat consumption by 30% to save some 18,000 premature deaths and indeed the world from climate change. May be its because it was outside his remit, but I am somewhat surprised he did not suggest we slaughter all our pets (think of all those dieases they carry after all). That would cut our carbon emissions nicely. Give him time it’ll come to him.
A while back it was red meat we should not eat. Chicken and fish were OK. The chicken thing was not that straight forward – only the breast mind not the evil thigh and certainly NOT the skin. And the fish thing seems to change on a daily basis. Do I have to smuggle my haddock out of the shop these days – its so unethical – they are endangered don’t you know – or walk tall and proud – hey look at me I am buying Haddock. Haddock is cool! ??? And eels. Where exactly are we on eels? Now Mr Donaldson tells me I should not even be eating chicken.Well 30% less chicken. Grass nuts and berries are all that seem to be left that are ok – and if you can forage yourself rather than go to a shop, you just might not get sent a letter.
Well its all just a bit too much for me. Come May 7th, I pray that Mr Donaldson gets a letter too. One that says sod off.
Tags: bleep exercise tests, Chief Medical Officer, climate change, grandparents, Sir Liam Donaldson