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Quangos-a-go-go

May 27th, 2010 Posted in UK Politics by

david-laws3

So the coalition have settled in, and our very own David Laws has got his chainsaw out. Well, NO actually, it’s a scalpel we are told. 

(I am hoping that like most good gory video games he’ll reach level 5 and swap that “scalpel” for something that’s more appropriate for the task – like a chainsaw gun at the very least, but anyway…)

Wielding his trusty “scalpel”, Laws is stating that  the government will find £600million from Quangos. That’s really not very much when you consider what we spend on them. According to the (previous) government’s own figures, “in 2008/09, total expenditure by Executive NDPBs (Non Departmental Government bodies),   was around £46.5bn. Of this, around £38.4bn was funded directly by Government”. And that’s excluding charities and pressure groups that get direct Government money (e.g. ASH that gets direct funding from the Health Department).

Well, if they are not going to do drastic – can they at least do fun? After all there’s not going to be much to laugh about in the coming months (except England failing to reach the quarter finals of course).

Following on from the rip-roaring success of the TV Leaders debates, I rather like the idea of reviewing Quango’s publicly. I am thinking a hybrid Saturday night TV show along the lines of “Britain’s Got Talent” with a splash of retro “Noels House Party” thrown in. “Quangos-a-go-go” has a nice Saturday night feel to it.

The idea is that each week we are offered a selection of quango’s that are each given two minutes to present “their case”. If the judges panel – David Laws, George Osborne and Tessa Munt (got to have a gorgeous blond!) hit their “reject” button before the two minutes are up, a vat of custard is dropped on the quango-istas from a great height (the custard , not the vat) and they are sent duly packing.

If they survive the full two minutes, the TV audience gets to vote by phone for how much money they get. We keep being told that “we are all in this together” so why not involve the public in the decision? And we may just raise enough number from the phone calls to pay for some of them.

Which should we see up first on the show ? (ignoring the obvious ones like Regional Development agencies, BECTA, Standards Board for England etc)….

Sustainable Development Commission

Call it what you will, this is nothing more than a  Government sponsored campaign for increases in environmental policy. It is just madness to fund an organisation to lobby yourself. Definite custard bath time.

National Policing Improvement Agency

Supposedly created to remove layers of bureaucracy from policing. Ha! that worked. More seriously, any organisation that says its purpose in life is “to make a unique contribution to improving public safety” and then singularly fails to explain exactly HOW they are going to do it, deserves all the custard it can get. And when you read phrases like“ten year strategic framework“..”High potential development scheme“..”simplified competency framework” and “talent management“…You just know its time to put on your wellies.  They spend an eye-watering £535 million (mostly on spin by the looks). Definite custard bath.

National College for School Leadership

This was set up to improve the quality of head-teachers. If you want better head teachers, pay them more. The £105million it spends would go some way towards it. Worringly this particular group has quango-creep. It now calls itself  “The National College for Leadership of Schools and Childrens Services”. STOP right now! One thing that might just save it from the custard… On the front page of its website it says, rather endearingly.. “A New UK Government took office on 11 May (no shit!). As a result the content on this site may not reflect current government policy.” Hmm that might be why Laws/Osborne gang have already chopped £16million of its budget.

Commission for Rural Communities

This organisation grandly pronounces that its “statutory purpose is promote awareness of the social and economic needs of people living and working in rural communities“. The “rural community” may have needed its own commission under Labour – but surely the Tories love the countryside? Can’t see us needing this anymore.  And let not forget that they were the folks that appointed the”Rural Advocate” to to put the case for rural people . That’s just downright insulting to us country folks. Custard.

 Finally, and this is my favourite (and was not my spot – but came from a friend of a friend..)

The Agriculture and Horticulture Development Board

Firstly any quango with “development” in its title should go. Secondly, it likes to be known as the “AHDB” – That’s not a good sign when you WANT to sound like a menacing bug lurking in the corners of the local NHS hospital. But otherwise this sounds worthwhile enough. Until you realise that our money actually goes on nutty things like “The Potato Council” – whose most successful campaign in 2009 was National Chip Week (promoted by Keith Chegwin – did we really pay him money for this?). Apparently the campaign managed to increase the sale of frozen chips by 11%. (Best not tell the department of Health that). They also have a whole raft of mini websites www.lovepotatoes.co.uk, www.potatoesforcaterers.co.uk, www.potatoesforschools.org.uk www.lovechips.co.uk, www.potatoposters.co.uk. It’s a monster gone mad. Definite candidate for the custard bath.

I could go on,  but for now I will let Andy return to the more important stuff at hand…Unless of course you have your own favourite quango you would like to see in the custard bath. If so please leave us a comment.

13 Responses to “Quangos-a-go-go”

  1. Philip Walker Says:

    Apparently the campaign managed to increase the sale of frozen chips by 11%. (Best not tell the department of Health that).

    Precisely. It’s not just the waste, it’s the whole left-hand-right-hand thing: one arm of government paid to nanny us all not to eat chips, and another arm paid to persuade to do exactly that. It’s all money down the drain.


  2. Richard Laming Says:

    Are you sure that the AHDB is actually a drain on the public purse and not funded by a levy on the industry?


  3. Angela Harbutt Says:

    Richard – you are so very precise… Yes technically the AHDB is funded by a STATUTORY levy…a bit like the licence fee. I come from a family of 3 or 4 generations of nurseymen and farmers and I dont know anyone that thinks its a good thing. So technically you are right its not exactly your money that’s being wasted – but I am right in so far as its my family’s money being wasted. Fair enough ?


  4. Philip Walker Says:

    So it imposes costs on farmers. Don’t know how onerous: perhaps Angela can confirm. Nevertheless, at the margins it makes food more expensive for consumers because farmers either pass on the increase in costs, or they leave the business, supply goes down or monopoly power accumulates in the hands of bigger businesses. It’ll always work through to us as consumers in the end.


  5. Richard Laming Says:

    Wasted? Frozen chip sales are up 11% Sounds like a good return on marketing expenditure to me …

    The liberal case against the AHDB is probably that it is a statutory levy and ought to be voluntary, but that would mean an incentive for free riders to sell their potatoes without contributing to the advertising costs of their products. If there were a substantial revolt against the AHDB from the potato industry, something would probably be worth doing. But liberals have probably got other fish to fry.

    But your broader point about quangos is a very good one. I got distracted by thoughts of dinner.


  6. Niklas Smith Says:

    Following on from the rip-roaring success of the TV Leaders debates, I rather like the idea of reviewing Quango’s publicly. I am thinking a hybrid Saturday night TV show along the lines of “Britain’s Got Talent” with a splash of retro “Noels House Party” thrown in. “Quangos-a-go-go” has a nice Saturday night feel to it.

    You may jest, but that’s precisely what the new government did in Japan recently:

    “Administrative reform may not sound like a vote-winner ahead of this summer’s elections. But one of the DPJ’s few triumphs in its first months in office was to do so in a way that suited Japanese tastes—as television drama. According to opinion polls, the public delighted in the spectacle last November of DPJ officials hauling civil servants into a Tokyo gym to justify, under the glare of TV spotlights, their requests for budget allocations.”

    Source: http://www.economist.com/world/asia/displaystory.cfm?story_id=15579893

    Definitely something we should see more of in this country :)


  7. Niklas Smith Says:

    P.S. Loving the photoshopped picture of David Laws!!


  8. Monevator Says:

    I second the talent show for quangos concept. If nothing else a public battle of the quangos would bring them all to public attention, Clegg-effect style. Although hopefully with a rather different outcome!

    And hey, we’d save *one* quango at the end of it. Albeit at the sad demise of all the rest of them. *sniff*


  9. Angela Harbutt Says:

    The down-side of course would be they would be all over radio talk shows and breakfast tv shows for the next few days – still they would then disappear back into obscurity for the rest of their existance -only to reappear if have some quirky domestic dispute, drugs problem or nervous breakdown…

    Oh an Nicklas – what makes you think the pic of David Laws is photo-shopped – this may well have been taken backstage at last years conference…you know how weird we Lib Dems can be..


  10. Psi Says:

    Angela, it is his saturday night outfit for middle street in Yeovil. Paddy had military training as DL wasn’t in the RMs he finds this outfit does the job.


  11. Wiliam Dixon Smith Says:

    Other nations have revolutions. The English put up with flagrant injustice, make jokies about it and call it Democracy. Why is this?


  12. David Stowe Says:

    The AHDB are a bunch of tax collectors collecting from buisness in the uk and stuffing as much as they can into the Executives pockets in masive so called redundancy packages. Shamfull Waste of Our Money! Get rid of them NOW!!!!!


  13. Nachhaltiger Tourismus Says:

    Sanfter Tourismus…

    Liberal Vision » Blog Archive » Quangos-a-go-go…